Preparing your child for a new baby in the family

A new baby is wonderful news for the family, but for a two-, three- or four-year-old it can feel confusing. "Will Mummy still love me?" is the worry underneath many behaviours that follow. A little preparation helps everyone.

Tell your child at the right time

For young children, months feel endless. Many parents wait until the pregnancy is showing, or until a few months before the birth, so that the waiting is not too long. Choose a calm moment, and tell your child yourself before somebody else mentions it. Use simple words: "A baby is growing in Mummy's tummy. In a few months, the baby will come to our home. You will be a big brother (or sister)."

Expect questions, and answer them briefly and truthfully, in words that fit their age. The same question may come back many times. That is normal.

Ways to prepare

• Look at baby pictures of your child. "This is you when you were small. You slept a lot and drank milk."
• Read picture books about new babies, and talk about the pictures.
• Visit a friend or relative with a baby, and let your child see how small and sleepy babies are. Babies cry, and it is fine to say that: "Babies cry because they cannot talk yet."
• Let your child help choose a small thing for the baby, or a cloth, or sing a lullaby to Mummy's tummy.
• Practise gentle touch with a doll. "Soft hands."
• Make big changes early, not when the baby arrives. If your child needs to move to a new bed, begin potty training or start playschool, do it well before the birth, or wait until a few months after. Changes at the same moment as the baby can feel like being replaced. See first days at playschool.
• Plan who will care for your child when you go to the hospital, and let your child meet that person beforehand.

When the baby arrives

• Let the older child be the first priority at visits. Visitors often rush to the baby. Ask them to say hello to the older child first.
• Give a "from the baby" gift if your family likes this, such as a small toy.
• Give your older child a job. Fetching a nappy, singing to the baby, or choosing the baby's outfit. Never force it.
• Spend special time with them each day, even ten minutes of undivided attention, while the baby sleeps or with another adult. Say: "This is our time."
• Let them be little too. Many older children ask for a bottle, want to be carried or return to baby talk. This is common and usually passes. Gently allow it rather than scold.

Be patient with feelings

Jealousy, tears and testing behaviour are normal. Name the feeling: "You wish Mummy was holding only you. It is hard to share." Do not leave the older child alone with a very young baby. See naming feelings and tantrums.

When to ask for help

Most children settle in within weeks to months. If your child seems very sad, withdrawn, or aggressive towards the baby for a long time, talk to your child's doctor or teacher. This is general information, not medical advice.

How Child Runway helps

Child Runway lessons are short stories of 2 to 5 minutes, each with a song and a game, so you can sit with your older child while the baby sleeps. The child answers, moves and sings along, and after the lesson there is something to try at home. There are no ads, no chat and a daily time limit you set.