Calm-down breathing that small children can really do
"Take a deep breath!" Everyone has said it, and it almost never works on a screaming three-year-old. Small children cannot breathe on command in the middle of a storm. But they can learn breathing as a game, when they are calm, and then use it when they need it.
Teach it when everyone is calm
The most important rule: practise when your child is happy, not when they are upset. If you only try it in the middle of a meltdown, it will feel like punishment. Practise for a minute or two a day, at bath time, before a story or in the auto-rickshaw. After a week or two, it becomes familiar enough to use on a hard day.
Four breathing games
1. Smell the flower, blow the candle. Hold up one finger as a "candle". Breathe in slowly through the nose, as if smelling a flower. Blow out slowly, as if blowing the candle. Repeat three times.
2. Balloon belly. Lie down and put a soft toy on the tummy. Breathe in so the toy rises, like a balloon. Breathe out so it goes down. Watching the toy gives children something to focus on.
3. Bumblebee breath. Breathe in, then hum like a bee on the way out: "mmmmm". The humming makes the breath long and slow, and most children giggle.
4. Hand-tracing. Spread one hand like a star. With the finger of your other hand, trace up each finger as you breathe in, and down the other side as you breathe out. Five fingers, five breaths.
These are common playful techniques, not a treatment. They help some children more than others, which is fine.
Using it in the moment
- Do it yourself first. Children copy a calm adult more than they follow instructions. Slowly breathe in and out, close to them.
- Invite, do not order. "Shall we blow the candle together?" If they say no, keep breathing yourself.
- Name the feeling first. "You are very angry." Then, "Let us try the bee."
- Do not insist. If it is too much, wait. Hold them, sit nearby, and try again later. See naming feelings.
- Praise afterwards. "You calmed your body down."
Make a calm-down corner
A small spot with a cushion, a soft toy and perhaps a picture of the four breathing games. It is a place to go to feel better, never a place to be sent as punishment.
What if it does not work?
For some children, other things work better: a hug, a drink of water, stamping feet, squeezing a pillow, or going for a walk on the balcony. Try different ones and see what your child likes.
When to speak to a professional
Big feelings are normal at this age. If your child is very distressed most days, cannot calm even with your help, or has outbursts that hurt themselves or others, speak to your child's doctor or teacher. This article is general information, not medical advice.
How Child Runway helps
Child Runway's lessons are short, 2 to 5 minutes, and each has a song and a game where the child moves and sings along. That makes it easy to try a breathing or action game after a lesson. There is also something to try at home after each lesson, with no ads, no chat and a daily time limit you control.